4 hours, my list and freedom

Oh, it's been a little while since I wrote here. Hmmm, that could be because I only blog when I should be working. Wait, that makes seem like I don't work. I think this could be a dangerous blog...When I don't know what I'm going to write about, things get out of hand. First of all, and update...life is so amazing right now. No, I didn't win the lottery and no, Jaidyn isn't miraculously an obedient, docile child...(internal sigh) But, she did get into Head Start, a pre-school program that prepares her for kindergarten (that's a weird word, I wonder where and what it it's derived from?) it's 4 hours a day, every day of the work week. So, to those of you who have been praying for me and relief, God answers in sometimes round-about ways! I will get 4 hours to be me Monday through Friday! And Jaidyn will get the structure, kid time and learning she needs to stimulate, grow, engross and direct her energy! She's uber excited about going to school, ask her about it, she'll tell you tons!
I've been cleaning out my emotional leftovers and have been discovering that it wasn't as difficult or time consuming as I thought it'd be. God is powerful and swift! Especially when getting rid of said emotional leftovers puts me back onto God's path for my life! How efficient he is, eh? It is a little bittersweet though, I won't lie. Katie will kill me for thinking about He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (no, it's not Voldemort) But, honestly, it's not a cold turkey thing. (Another saying I'd like to know the origin of). And wow, I really have nothing more to say on the whole looking back and reminiscing about him topic! God is swift! Maybe I'm more melancholy about it because I lost so much time? Wasted so much of me on someone who deserved so little of me? I let someone sample my preserves (as Jenny Far Far would say) and I feel that loss in me...sad. Really sad, actually. That's a year of my life, a year and a half of my emotions, a piece of my heart and my daughter's heart that was given to someone who didn't deserve any of it. Those are all things I can't take back, and things that were given to someone who isn't my husband. Gross. I don't want my husband to be shelling out pieces of him. Bleck!
Well, anyways, I had major breakthrough in this department. I was released from bondage and from blindness! I am freed because my Almighty Savior loves me and wants me, he seeks me to all corners of the world and in whatever stupid situation I get myself tangled in. Sometimes He just has to speak loudly from someone's earthly voice (you know who you people are!)
I'm done with that stumbling block, I want to avoid it and not fall on my face, thank you very much!
So, thank you to the people who have been praying for me! God's working in my life through you guys! (And by guys, I mean people, I wouldn't want there to be any confusion about having guys pray for girls!) That was a little mean...I know, but hey, it's how I feel.

So, over that segment and into the next...
I probably won't have anything profound for you all today...not that I"m usually profound or anything. I like coffee. Lots of it.

I'll just tell you some of the reasons I'm looking forward to 2009

1. More God, less selfish me stuff
2. Watching Jaidyn grow and turn more into herself
3. Family unity
4. Blossoming friendships
5. March
6. Renewal
7. God's decision about YWAM for me...I hope he thinks it's as good an idea as I do
8. Restoration
9. Financial Peace class (which I missed the first one, oops)
10. M.A.C.s Hello Kitty Collection (def. deserves a top 10 place)
11. Amanda quitting her job so I can hang out with her more...okay, that's selfish me stuff, but still.
12. Finding a secret coffee shop that will be all my own and totally cool where I invite only my special friends. You'll need a password.
13. Shoes, more of them and with higher heels
14. Katie wisdom, it's good, and peculiar at times.
15. A vacation and not to Arizona because visiting brothers and shopping doesn't count as an actual vacation
16. Reaching out to Single Moms (and yes, the title does deserve caps) and seeing a hurting and desperate community come to life in Christ! It will happen!
17. Tattoos, possibly more than 2...
18. NOT coloring my hair for 6 months, if I do, you have full permission to kick me.
19. Jennifer time...you just can't get enough of what she has to say...listen!
20. Jaidyn's school work, it will be so cute with crooked writing and pictures of Dallas.
21. Finally getting to hang out with Ryan, he reclusive friend that wants to hang out, but we never catch each other at the right time.
22. God in my cousin's life. He needs Him major.
23. New Moon movie, I'll be in line for the midnight premier fo sho!
24. Becoming a real make up artist
25. becoming a better mommy
26. not having a double chin, a serious undertaking, you know
27. Going to more concerts
29. Being confident in who I am and how I was created
30. Use cool words, like frittle, in everday conversations
31. Be more like Jesus
32. Receive flowers, I'm not entirely sure how this will work out, but, hey, I can look forward to it
33. be a part of something BIG
34. Being beautiful
35. Getting a massage
36. Hosting a wicked awesome party, in costume of course!
37. Making new friends
38. Painting more
39. Finding my new favorite restaurant
40. Selling shoes that I no longer wear. Out with the old! yada yada
41. Seeing more good in my world than bad
42. Girls nights and all that they encompass
43. Enjoying my job more and more
44. Caring less what people think of me
45. Being more spirit lead
46. Finding a perfect bra
47. Just M.A.C. in general
48. Saving more and spending less
49. Amani Life Project
50. Occasional bouts of the C 3 diet
51. Finding my niche out here
52. March, I know I already said it, but it's important to me
53. Summer, a really really awesome summer to make up for '08
54. Making my bed every day
55. A new small group that I actually feel a part of, and that actually meets in real life
56. Fashion Show
57. Movie Nights with Jaidyn
58. Jaidyn is the Boss of the Day days (we always end up doing much more fun things than when I'm boss)
59. October 25th, because my birthday is all important, and it should be to everybody
60. Make up
61. Journals, lots of them, and make em pretty
62. A pair of ridiculously expensive jeans, just so I know what all the fuss is about
63. Splurging on myself, because no one else will do it
64. Weddings! Because I won't be bitter!
65. Going to the lake with friends and family, this also includes camping of all varieties
66. growing out my nails
67. Getting healthier
68. reading more than socially acceptable
69. Meeting Edward, okay, this may not be feasible, but hey, a girl can dream of a gorgeous, romantic vampire boyfriend, can't she?
70. Being more Me, not what people want me to be, or what I think people want me to be. But being who God created me to be, all of it, silly, weird, fun, outrageous, artist, strong, bold...all of it. Embracing who I am in Christ.

Basking in the 4 hour answer to prayer and looking forward,
Kaila