Once Upon a Time...

First of all, please don't judge my grammar and spelling. Yes, yes, I know, I TOTALLY judge yours, and yes, mine should be better due to AP English classes, but let's face it, it's a blog, not a term paper and I'm writing these bits of stalker bait during my noc shifts at work. At times, I can't even see straight and will be relying on my 7 grade typing class.

That being said, I will now launch into me. :)

I've lived a life that is both exciting and incredibly boring. I've been selfless and selfish, made wise choices and poor choices. All of this has lead up to where I am today, who I am today and will play a part in who I will be and where I will be going.

Here's my life in a nutshell.

I grew up in Sherwood Oregon. I started kindergarten there and graduated high school there. I don't really talk to anybody from all those years, apparently life gets in the way more than I thought it ever would.
When I was 18 I met Adam and started dating him, he was my first boyfriend, because growing up, I was definitely always in the "friend zone" with all the guys. This is an unfortunate occurance for girls who have brothers both 2 years older and 1 year younger and a male cousin in the same grade.
When I graduated I couldn't wait to get out from under my parents...So out I went. I moved in with my friend for a couple of weeks, then showed up at the airport to welcome my birthmom home from vacation. My parents divorced when I was very young and my stepmom raised me, so that's the reason for the word birthmom.
So, I showed up to "surprise" welcome her home, when I say surprise and welcome, I mean show up and tell her I"m moving in. Well, living in Vancouver WA never really suited me and Adam and I had the really genius idea of moving in together.

DON'T EVER DO THIS, unless of course you are in wedded bliss, in which case, it really is a genius idea.

So, I got knocked up. No real point in beating around the bush. The pregnacy was beauiful and amazing and I LOVED being pregnant. The life situation, on the other hand kinda sucked. I was in an drug fueled abusive realationship, that I couldn't really see a way out of because I loved him and wanted to find a solution, to make him better, to be the one he changed for.
Ladies, this, as well, was another of my genius ideas. Here's a quick tip, they rarely change, even for you.
So, I had Jaidyn, the love of my life, on December 20th 2003. It was miraculous, wonderful, amazing, beautiful, rainbows and butterflies.





It scared the shit out of me.


But, since then I've learned of the amazing earth shaking power of God's protective love for me. I'd always been a believer, but I turned into a follower after that.
God saved my life through Jaidyn. Not just my spiritual life, this isn't some pious "Oh having a kid changes your life" no. I went from having a meth addict hold a knife to my throat, being locked in a garage in summer for 6 hours while pregnant, being kneed in the stomach while carrying his child, choked, punched, pushed down stairs, degraded, yelled at, controlled, dominated, knocked out on occasion to FREEDOM! To being alone, but not living in fear and not being lonely. To having a difficult road of single motherhood, but being blessed with a child that loves me purely, intensely, smotheringly and unconditionally.

Don't get me wrong, it's not been easy, in fact, as of late, it's been extremely difficult, it's been hard to feel motivated to be the above and beyond mommy when she's tearing my house apart 3 or 4 times a day. Or when she takes a sharpie to the white leather couch. Or when she won't clean her room. Or when I don't hang out with friends, don't get a break from her besides my job for 2 months. But, in the end, I've been blessed with her. God TRUSTS me? Me to be her mom, and frankly, I think God's a little nuts himself for thinking I could do this alone for this long.

So, I'm a single mom, I work at St. Charles Medical Center as a CNA, I'm going to school to be a nurse. But, the secret is, I don't know if this is what I'm really called to do. I mean, I like it, it's a rewarding job, it's a great schedule, benefits, blah blah blah. But, I think I might be too creative for this job. The whole reason I got into this field was 1. It's a steady job, I can go anywhere and get a job, no welfare mama here. 2. I wanted to use it to go into the mission field. I know, you're thinking I'm so noble. So far, though, no missions out of me. Dang, they're expensive to go on! But I still have a heart for missions and I think God up there lounging on his cloud planning something big for me.

I know that I'm called to missions. I don't doubt that at all. When I was baptized I had a prophetic word spoken over me. I was told I have the gift of evangelism and that I'll travel the nations spreading the Word of God. But being called to missions and being a nurse don't have to go hand in hand, I guess.

Here are some things I love...

I love to do MAKEUP. If you know me, you know that I cake it on like a drag queen. Seriously. It's not that I feel that I'm ugly without it, quite the opposite, I feel like I look best when I have just some mascara and creatively smudged eyeliner. But, I compulsively play with makeup. There's just something so beautiful about puttting art on your face, about transforming your face into something different, or unique or shocking, something that people look and say "cool"! By the way, I like attention. Lots.

So, I'm trying to find a way to do makeup, but for Jesus. If you have any ideas, please, let me know. I could start an outreach to drag queens, I suppose.

High Heels...really really high heels. I'm pretty sure DMV should let me put 5 ft 10 1/2 on my drivers liscence because I'm rarely shorter than that. My natural height is 5 ft 6 1/2 inches. But, if we're honest, your height really should be determined by how tall you appear to be, not how tall you are at home in your pajamas where nobody sees you. Right?

I have almost 200 pairs of high heels. When I reach 200, I'm pretty sure that I should deserve a pair of Manolo's or Jimmy Choo's for reaching my lofty goal. I really really really love high heels. They're sexy, pretty, shoes always fit, even when my fat pants are too tight, they make my legs look even better. I'm pretty sure I lose 10 pounds every time I put on a pair too.
I don't get the women who wear flip flops and sneakers. YOU LOOK LIKE A BOY. I don't care that you're wearing a skirt, I knew a little ginger boy who wear sneakers with dress in my daycare back in the day. It was a green dress with yellow flowers and a peter pan collar.
YOU LOOK LIKE A BOY

That's the other thing...what's with women not looking like women? Where has our femininity run off to? I don't care that there's 2 feet of snow and ice on the ground, you will find me in a skirt and heels, (at least heels) no matter what. Although, I wouldn't advise trying to walk over the speed humps in the eastside Safeway parking lot when it's icy with heels on, you'll end up looking like a cartoon trying to get your legs back under you.
There's so many women who hide their femininity(try to say that word, spell it and type it at the same time...yeesh!) behind sweatshirts and flip flops or behind a power suit and a bonecrushing handshake or behind making the move first when it comes to a guy.
That's NOT how God created us...and He knows what He's doing, we don't, yes, you know you just thought of a time when you did something stupid, didn't you? God created us last, we're his crowning touch on creation. (It means we're prettiest) :) He created us with raging hormones, mood swings, overactive tear ducts, big butts, soft hearts, intuition, real and obvious emotions, the gift of gab, I mean communication, and those precious 3 layers of fat, (because, of course, only a woman can be trusted to carry a baby) embrace it! Don't hide it. Act feminine, look feminine, be feminine. When we deny it, or hide it, we're really telling God that we don't like what and who He created us to be.

My daughter. Jaidyn. There's really not enough room here, and you're probably bored reading this. So, if you know her, you love her, but only for about 3 hours, then you try and get away. YOu know who you people are! Don't think I haven't noticed!
She's a spitfire, has the attitude of a spoiled 16 year old on MTV's Sweet 16, is a freaking sponge, has more energy than Richard Simmons on speed, loves tattoos, AC/DC, anything Tim Burton, thinks farting on you is the funniest thing ever, has an imaginary friend named Ellie who is a skull and crossbones with a bow on her head, has no filter when it comes to saying what's on her mind, and is usually dead on accurate when it comes to observations about the world.
I'll leave you with some of her best quotes

"Rock on AC/DC!" 2 years old, holding up the rock on sign with both hands.

"My mommy's going to have a baby in her tummy...But not till she finds a MAAAaaN to marry her first!" 2 1/2 years, August 2006 when meeting Chaundi's new baby, in front of about 10 women from church.

"My mommy has big boobs, I don't have any boobs yet, but someday I want big boobs like my mommy" 2 1/2 years talking to Scott Edwards (pre friendship and pre dating) about 20 minutes later, she put a sticker on the crotch of his jeans.

"Mommy, it's okay that you're chubby, well lots of chubby, I think you're prettier chubby" 4 years old, when I told her why I wasn't buying us ice cream.

Jaidyn pretends to give me presents all the time. On Father's day, my dad opened his gift and she immediately grabbed the box and paper and went off to a corner to "wrap" my gift. She comes back, gives it to me and I open it and say
"A BABY! I don't want another baby!"
to which she replies
"I tried to find you a husband. There were none, I looked!"
4 years old, Father's Day 2008

This is another gift story
I gave my dad 10 dollars to let Jaidyn have so she could buy me a birthday gift. Dad drops her off with me and she's vibrating with excitement, which I thought was due to her being so thrilled with picking me a real present. So I open the gift and behold! It is Tinkerbell playmake up, a stuffed elephant and clackers (you know the ones, you stick em on your fingers and clack clack clack away just to annoy anyone within hearing distance).
I look at her and say
"Thank you Jaidyn for the present, but.."
Before I can get my entire sentence out she interupts with
"But the makeup isn't M.A.C. so you won't like it, so could I just have it?"

There are plenty other Jaidyn quotes, and as they come, I will create an entire blog of the hilarious workings of her mind.

Well, I leave you with this for now. But I can tell that I will become slightly addicted to sharing my life via blogs. Maybe I'll become famous for it...I mean if Jeffree Star and Perez Hilton can do it.